I’ve realized that one of the reasons why most relationships don’t work out is because people don’t understand the concept of having a different love language to that of your partner. In this article, I will attempt to interpret each of the 5 love languages. Knowing your partner’s love language will not only make communication much easier but it’ll enable you to give them what THEY need which may not always be what you need, it saves you from a lot of unnecessary hassle. Something important to remember is that the love languages are not mutually exclusive, you could have as many love languages as are on the list and all of which a certain extent.
Gifts: This is a tricky one to explain, most people assume that this simply means buying things for your significant other. In some cases, this love language is important because buying materialistic things for your partner means they always have a part of you with them, buying the right things also means you take time to listen to what they want, it creates an environment in which your partner feels secure. In other cases, it doesn’t always have to do with material things. One thing I have said many times is that the greatest thing a person has offered me was peace of mind; knowing that you don’t always have to worry
about if they truly care for you because they give you peace of mind, some gifts truly don’t have monetary value attached to them.
Physical touch: Involves showing love to your partner or friends through physical acts. Some people don’t even need you to speak in order to feel safe, all they need is to hold you. The world is such a lonely place, what better feeling than knowing someone is always there, no matter what. This love language can be very important for people who disassociate often because it reminds them someone is there to care for them.
Quality time: involves spending time with another person. A lot of people misread love languages and end up buying tons of handbags to make it up to your partner meanwhile they only want to spend a weekend with you. Quality time means going to the movies together, having dinner together, just being in each other’s presence because you enjoy the other person’s company, this means taking time out of your day to focus on your partner.
Words of affirmation: A lot of relationships shatter because one partner doesn’t feel ‘seen’ by the other, lack of attention leads to searching for it somewhere else. It is important to make your loved ones feel seen and appreciated. Don’t take the easy way out and assuming calling your partner handsome or beautiful once in a while is enough, some people appreciate the constant reassurance because they look to their partner for validation as they see them as one of the most important people in the world. Please don’t mistake this for insecurity. Insecurity is ‘I need to feel validated by you in order to live my life’ meanwhile this love language is ‘Hearing you compliment me is a wonderful thing, shows me how much you care, but my world will not stop without having that validation.
Acts of service: Has to do with things your partner does for you, this love language is not to be confused with favours because then you’d be using your partner. Acts of service could be small things like taking the trash out for you when you’ve had a bad day, asking someone about a job prospect for you when you’re too busy to do it yourself, it could be rubbing your stomach when you’re in pain because you’re too weak to do it yourself. Small things that you could do for yourself but someone else does, that’s what acts of service consists of.
There’s a certain intimacy that comes with this love language because it feels as if your partner actually takes time out of their day to understand your needs and is able to tailor to what you want. Some people prefer actions to word, they prefer when you show them you love them instead of saying it, that’s why this love language is so unique because it consists of using anything but words to show your partner how much you care. This is my favourite love language.
Mine: Other than the love languages stated above, I think each person has a love language-specific which makes them unique but is indescribable by words. My love language involves freedom. If you come to me looking to fill a void, I will always direct you back to yourself, because to me that’s what loving a friend is. Understanding that people need to learn to grow on their own in order to reach their highest form, understanding that part of being a friend means being a pit stop for people, you can’t always follow them to their destination, but understanding they deserve happiness, whether you’re in the picture or not. There is such a thing as loving someone from a distance. Everyone always thinks they are the best partner because of their over-inflated ego. At the end of the day, if you are not fulfilling the needs a person asks you for; you’re not being the best partner you could be. Please don’t miss out on a lovely person because you didn’t know how to love them. If someone makes you happy, do the same for them, learn their love language before it is too late.